


Easy as Breathing

by stuito55 (annabeth)



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Adultery, Cheating, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Future Fic, M/M, Making Out, will never be finished
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 21:39:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10999533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annabeth/pseuds/stuito55
Summary: Years after Nik's playing career is over, he feels a pang of nostalgia for his old defence partner. Might it turn into something more?





	Easy as Breathing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thesaddestboner](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesaddestboner/gifts).



> I apparently had a lot to say about this ship. It's partly thesaddestboner's fault.
> 
> (Also, when will I learn how to link to a user in the notes? LOL.)

When the years have started to seem shimmery, the time he played suddenly feeling distant, Nik finds himself sitting in his rocking chair on his porch, his son and daughter playing in the yard.

It really hasn't been that long, at least, Nik is fairly certain he's exaggerating the time that has passed, but still… taking a long pull of his beer and trying to relax, Nik almost doesn't think about it when he slides his phone out of his pocket.

It's easy as breathing to look up the familiar number, even though he hasn't had occasion to call it in years. In fact, he probably hasn't dialed it since back when he was still playing, which makes the whole thing peculiar and inexplicable.

But even though he's happy, and he has a family and a pretty wife who dotes on him; in spite of the money he's saved and the long, good years he had playing for the Wings, Nik sometimes feels like there's something missing.

Driving his daughter to hockey practises or his son to soccer, taking his wife to lunch in the afternoons, Nik sometimes gets a little sleepy-eyed and thinks back.

It's too easy to remember the especially good years, when he played with Stuie and it was like they could read each other's minds. As much as he loves Katinka and their children, he doesn't have that sort of relationship with anyone anymore and it, at times, makes him feel a little itchy and out of sorts.

But Nik taps the screen anyway and waits in a sort of terrified, breathless anticipation—as if suspended in time—through each ring, wondering if the person who owns the number will pick up.

When the rings cut out suddenly, Nik is prepared for a voicemail message, his finger hovering near the screen to hang up—he's a coward, he can't leave a message—but Stuie's voice stops him short.

"Nik?"

"Oh," he breathes, suddenly feeling shy and unprepared. "Hi."

"Not to be unkind," Stuie says slowly, "but why are you calling me?" There is a pause as if Stuie realises just how bad that sounds, before he adds, somewhat too quickly, "Did something happen? Everything's all right?"

"I don't actually know," Nik admits ruefully. "And yeah, everything's pretty much perfect." _Only not quite_ , Nik thinks to himself. There _was_ something missing, and now that Stuie's on the phone with him, Nik thinks maybe it was that voice, with the mental image of that beautiful face behind it.

"Oh," Stuie says, and now _he_ sounds shy and unprepared. "I mean, it's nice, I guess, to hear from you. I mean." He laughs a little self-effacingly. "It _is_ nice to hear from you, I'm just a little surprised."

"And how are you?" Nik asks, a bit anxiously. "How are the wife and kids?"

Stuie laughs again, before he says, "Well, Melissa and I had another baby. It was a bit of a surprise."

"Wow," Nik says, for lack of anything better. "How did your kids take it?"

"Ha," Stuie says, and Nik can feel it beginning, that rhythm that always defined their interactions; the easy back-and-forth and the comfortable rapport they've always had. "Jake and Logan were a little miffed at first, because the baby was born just a couple years ago. I can't actually believe he's already two, to be honest."

"I can't either." Nik leans back in his chair, finding that relaxation that was missing earlier. "We had another baby too, but I mean, she's six now." He grins at his daughter, who is kicking the soccer ball with Douglas. "Elisabet is already into hockey with a fierce passion. I think she got that from me."

"I heard you'd had another one," Stuie says; Nik can hear the smile on his face. "I think it was in the _Detroit Free Press_ at the time."

"Yeah," Nik says. "I don't really miss those days. It was kind of nice to feel important, but sometimes…"

"I know. Sometimes you just wanted to hold something close for awhile," Stuie says in agreement. Nik nods, and he's pretty sure Stuie knows that he did it; that's how in tune they used to be.

It may have been years, but why should now be any different?

"Hey," Nik says suddenly, breaking into the companionable silence that has grown up between them. "We should go for coffee."

Stuie bursts into unmanly giggles. "Nik, we're so far away from each other that—"

"It's not important, that distance," Nik says, warming to his idea. "Just let me know when, I'll fly to San José."

"For coffee?" Stuie sounds like he can't believe it, but Nik doesn't know why. They were always close, it's almost criminal how long they've gone without speaking or seeing each other.

"Yeah. Katinka won't mind, it's summer vacation."

"Oh… all right," Stuie says, drawling out the word. "It's silly and probably childish, but…"

"Well, maybe you and I need to do something like that once in awhile. I feel old, Stuie."

"You're not old," his old friend contradicts immediately. "At least, not unless I am, because I am only a year older than you, you know."

Nik sighs. Going quiet, feeling reflective, he says, "I miss you, you know? And hockey. All that stuff. It's never too far from my mind."

"Mine either," Stuie says, sounding just as quiet. Nik closes his eyes and conjures Stuie's face up behind his eyelids. The blue eyes, the full lips, the oft-broken nose. It's a much-beloved face, something Nik has never wanted to admit to—not even to himself.

"So, I'll see you, then?" Stuie breaks into Nik's reverie. "I gotta go take Adam to the potty."

"Yeah, see you," Nik says softly. He's already looking forward to this more than he should.

:::

Nik can't believe he's standing by the airport baggage claim in San José. He's unusually anxious, ready to see Stuie but at the same time not even close.

Katinka had been the one to suggest he stay more than a day or two.

_"You guys were such good friends. I can handle things here." ___

__Nik jiggles his hand against his thigh, his car keys taking up space in his hand because, even though he can't use them here, he needs something to hang on to._ _

__The jingling sound they make is probably irritating other travelers, but Nik can't bring himself to care. He's never been nervous like this. Big games during the season? Nothing. Stanley Cup Finals? Nothing more than a single butterfly, maybe two, before the games got going and he forgot it all._ _

__So why does the simple prospect of seeing Stuie in the flesh again make his heart stutter and his palms sweat? He wonders if Stuie feels it too. He kind of hopes so because he doesn't want to be the only one._ _

__The sound of luggage coming round on the carousel draws his attention; he'd almost forgot about it. He turns away from the entrance and watches for his bag. Despite Katinka's suggestion, he's packed light. Only enough clothes for a couple days._ _

__He's pretty sure she expects him to stay at least a week, and he didn't disabuse her of that notion, even though he probably should have. But he was terrified, back when he was packing, that he and Stuie wouldn't have anything in common anymore, anything to talk about. So he threw two pairs of jeans and three short-sleeve shirts into his bag._ _

__Secretly inside, though, he's been hoping all along that seeing Stuie will be like reopening an old gift and finding the same sparkle inside. So he packed more pairs of underwear than he should need._ _

__Nik grabs his bag when it tumbles out of the opening, and then stands off against the wall, awkwardly waiting for his cell phone to ring. Because he _could_ call Stuie first, check on where he is, but he's too much of a coward. He can't believe he had the courage to board a plane to San José in the first place._ _

__He rubs his keys against the sweaty pads of his fingers and shifts in jeans that, if Stuie has the courage to notice, are just as tight as any he wore way back when. He doesn't dress like this much anymore—he's surprised these jeans still fit, now that he's an old man—but something called to him. Something said he should, even though… even though._ _

__Nik's surprised that he _wants_ Stuie to notice his jeans. What's that all about?_ _

__But before he gets a chance to really ponder that, his cell phone rings in his pocket. Extricating it is more work than he's used to with these tight pockets._ _

__It's Stuie. Nik shakes his head, sending long strands of blond hair flying into his eyes, and brings the phone to his ear with a sort of free-falling terror inside._ _

__Stuie sounds nonchalant, totally unfazed by the fact that Nik is currently standing in an airport waiting for him._ _

__"Hi, Nik," he greets. "I'm outside. Did you get your bags?"_ _

__"Are you meeting me inside?" Nik asks, then bites the inside of his cheek. This isn't some sort of romantic comedy._ _

__Stuie laughs, beautiful and slightly hoarse and Nik's breath hitches unexpectedly. He doesn't even know _why_. "I could, if you want me to. Wow, I can't believe you're here."_ _

__"No, it's fine, I'll come out." _Come out? What the hell is_ that _supposed to mean?_ "Just give me five minutes."_ _

__"Wait," Stuie says, sort of breathlessly-quick. "I better meet you, or you probably won't recognise the car."_ _

__Nik can't believe he didn't think of that. Of course Stuie's not driving the same SUV he had when they played together. That was _years_ ago._ _

__"All right," Nik agrees, startled and unnerved by the mirroring of in his own voice of the breathlessness in Stuie's._ _

__There is another laugh from his old friend, and then they hang up, and Nik settles back in to wait; the problem is he's even more keyed up now than he was before. Why?_ _

__What will it be like, seeing Stuie again? Will he still recognise him right down deep into his bones, like he used to when they played together, had been playing together long enough to read each other seamlessly?_ _

__Nik crams his phone—and his keys—back into his pocket. He presses his perspiration-clad palms against the denim encasing his thighs and closes his eyes, leans his head back against the wall, and begins to whistle under his breath._ _

__Little films scroll past in his mind; games he played, plays that began with Stuie and ended with him. The goals. The penalties, even; the fights that Stuie started on his behalf—and the fight or two he started against the Wings when he played for the Sharks or the Avalanche._ _

__By that point, the rivalry with the Avs hadn't been much anymore, but the fans had still thrilled to see players dropping the gloves, and caught up, perhaps, Stuie had been one of the willing combatants. Nik can feel the corner of his mouth lift in a half-smile, remembering. Stuie must have lost every fight he was ever in, but if he felt it was necessary, that never stopped him from trying._ _

__"What's so funny?"_ _

__Nik's eyes pop open and he imagines it must look almost comical. He flushes, and he's prepared to welcome in the embarrassment, when his eyes, his brain register Stuie, and all of that flows away. It's like everything has fallen back, like a clock recently turned in the fall back to normal time._ _

__As if everything is back to normal. Some things are obviously different, but Nik can't even process those things yet because he's too busy being swamped by the familiarity of Stuie's face: the curve of his lip, the angle of his jaw, the blue of his eyes._ _

__The rest trickles in slowly: the gray that streaks his brown hair, though it's still luxurious, not thinning like Nik's own; the faint lines cutting into his cheeks; the grooves bracketing the familiar mouth. Stuie has aged._ _

__But what did he expect? He knows he has too, from the crow's-feet at the corners of his eyes to the way you can see his scalp at the crown of his head; even though he's not balding—not exactly, not yet—the hair there has gotten too thin to completely cover it._ _

__"Nothing," he says, suddenly realising he never actually answered his old friend. "Just reminiscing."_ _

__"We can do that together when we get the coffee you promised me," Stuie says, and grins at him._ _

__The smile lines at his mouth widen and deepen when Stuie's grins, and Nik feels a pang of regret again: for the people they once were, young and unspoiled, and for the people they are now, grown with children and wives—even though Stuie has been married, in truth, as long as Nik has known him—and responsibilities._ _

__Life has taken over, like an ivy vine twisting through and slowly swallowing the crumbling stone beneath._ _

__If there's anything left of the people they used to be, Nik is almost as desperate not to know as he is to find out. The secret, still nestled beneath his heart somewhere, is that he's never allowed himself to look at Stuie with the kind of openness he's always wanted to. Knowing, without acknowledging, that there's something there that he can never, ever have._ _

__But Stuie's still standing there, tall and glorious and _so damn real_ , that Nik forgets, and a little shoot of something unfurls in his chest. Once it's there, he can't get it out. How strange, funny even, to spend all those years together and be able to keep this at bay, and then two minutes of seeing Stuie again and Nik…_ _

__Nik is thoroughly ashamed of himself._ _

__Nik is also lost in a torrent of his own desires, a trap of his own making: he wants to kiss Stuie._ _

__Years of denying it, pushing it down and away and pretending it's an ugly, loathsome thing to be destroyed, and now he can't anymore; the thought is in his mind as clear as anything he's even truly known in his life._ _

___He wants to kiss Stuie.__ _

__Nik clears his throat and it sounds like a growl. Stuie holds out his hand, palm up, obviously suggesting without words that Nik step forward, that they get going._ _

__Nik wants to jump right back on the plane and go home. Before he does something stupid, because the longer he stands here, the more he drinks Stuie in, the more he's afraid he'll do something they'll both regret._ _

__That he'll be unable to stop himself, even though logically he knows he kept this from bubbling to the surface long ago for long years._ _

__Why now?_ _

__"Come on," Stuie says, coaxingly. "You owe me that coffee."_ _

___I do,_ Nik thinks, _but I don't owe you all the baggage that I brought with me. I need to keep my distance.__ _

__He repeats it in his mind: I need to keep my distance._ _

__But then he takes Stuie's hand, surprising them both, and allows Stuie to pull him forward, to dash laughing after his old defence partner as they exit the airport like a couple of foolish young idiots._ _

__How long ago it was that he was a rookie in the NHL, yet right now, traipsing after Stuie, he feels just the same._ _

__:::_ _

__"Seeing you again is like feeling as if there's going to be a game tomorrow, and you and I should be going over defence strategies." Stuie stirs his coffee, the little plastic stick appearing tiny in his large hand. He's removed the cover of his coffee; Nik is drinking his with the top flipped up. Strange to notice it after all this time._ _

__Nik thinks he probably knew about Stuie's propensity to take off the cover on his coffees, but he doesn't remember anymore. It gives his heart a sad little pause: what else might he have forgotten about Stuie?_ _

__"Yeah, I know the feeling," Nik says. He sips his coffee, perfect and just the way he likes it, but he doesn't even notice the taste of it. It's hot, that's about all he registers, because he's caught up in staring at Stuie._ _

__"So," Stuie says, clearing his throat when his voice breaks a little. "Melissa and the kids are visiting her mom, so I thought maybe after coffee we could go back to my house." His voice cracks again, as if he's really nervous, and he smiles a little sheepishly at Nik. "If you don't have hotel reservations yet, you can stay with me. We moved into a bigger house after the baby was born and there's a spare bedroom."_ _

__"Oh," Nik says, feeling a bit strangled by the collar of his shirt—and it's a v-neck, so that's a feat. "Um, yeah, okay. I do have a hotel lined up, but it's no trouble to cancel the reservation."_ _

__Stuie's face lights up like a streetlight coming on at night, brilliant and happy and Nik's heart clenches in his chest. What the fuck is he getting himself into? What is he _doing_?_ _

__"Fantastic," his old friend enthuses. "This is gonna be great. We can act like idiots again and drink beer, play video games—"_ _

__"Hang on," Nik says, holding up a hand and laughing. "I'm way too old to act like an idiot."_ _

__"Nonsense," Stuie says, giving him a mock frown. "You're never too old to get wasted and fall off the couch because you're too drunk to stay on."_ _

__"Stuie," Nik says, stifling an embarrassing giggle, "what would your wife say?" And then he wants to kick himself, because why would he bring up Stuie's wife?_ _

__Luckily Stuie doesn't seem to mind._ _

__"She's not going to be upset," he says. "I'm always stately and dignified these days. If we stay up all night talking about porn and drinking, she'd probably be thrilled that I wasn't so dull and old."_ _

__Nik sips his coffee and realises that he's finished it. Stuie's cup is still steaming a little, but his friend pokes at his coffee with the stirrer and then puts it down on a napkin._ _

__"You done?" Nik asks. "You didn't drink it all."_ _

__"I'd rather go back and give you a tour of the house," Stuie says, and there's something in the tone of his voice, like a secret thread to it, that makes Nik wonder why he's so keen on hurrying back to his house._ _

__"I'll be here for a couple days," Nik teases. "We don't have to rush."_ _

__"I want to rush," Stuie replies. "I want to get as much of you into my system as possible before you have to go back to Sweden."_ _

__

__It's a weird, unsettling thing to say, Nik thinks, though he can't put his finger on why. Maybe because it makes Nik sound like something consumable, rather than a person, but he doesn't mind that. Still, there's something there._ _

__Maybe it makes Nik sound like a drug that Stuie is addicted to, but that's odd too because in all this time Stuie's never called. Why did they let this happen? Why did they allow so many years to pass unremarked, without phone calls or even so much as a Christmas card?_ _

__"Besides," Stuie says when Nik's been silent for probably far too long, "is there any reason why you have to go back so quickly? Two days is not enough time to catch up."_ _

__"There's, uh, my kids, I mean…" but Nik trails off because the truth is it's summer vacation. The kids will be fine with their mother, and she expects him to be gone longer than two days. Almost four days, really, due to the length of the flight._ _

__"Oh, yeah," Stuie says. He laughs a little self-deprecatingly. "I guess for a minute it was like nothing had changed. Forgot you had kids. I remember when your son was born. It was such a surreal thing, imagining you as a father."_ _

__"Not as surreal as actually _being_ a father for the first time," Nik replies. He stands up and stretches as Stuie pulls some bills out of his pocket._ _

__"I know what you mean," Stuie says, counting out the money. "I became a father the first time to Cierra, and that was much stranger, I think, than just having a new baby. Ready-made family and all that."_ _

__"Come on," Nik says, putting a restraining hand on Stuie's forearm. "Don't do that, at least let me pay for my own coffee."_ _

__He's almost so distracted by the heat and strength of Stuie's bare arm that he's hardly listening when Stuie says, "But you paid for airfare to come all the way here. Let me do this for you."_ _

__After a heartbeat, where Nik's breath is caught, uneven, they both glance down at Nik's hand. The veins in Stuie's arms are standing out, and Nik's fingertips are tingling. He yanks his hand back. Does Stuie feel weirded out now?_ _

__"Anyway," Nik says, trying to cover for the awkwardness, "it's not like I don't have enough money for a lot of flights to San José."_ _

__Stuie drops the money on the table and gestures to the door of the café. "Let's go then, I can't wait to show you my house."_ _

__:::_ _

__Nik doesn't see much of Stuie's house because the minute Stuie closes the front door, he's shoving Nik up against the polished wood and bracketing his face with his hands._ _

__"I've missed you so much," Stuie murmurs, and Nik can't figure out quite what's going on here. Why the sudden demonstrative show of affection?_ _

__"What's going on?" Nik says in bewilderment. "You're acting—"_ _

__"Crazy," Stuie supplies. "I know. I can't seem to help myself. You're here, standing right in front of me, and I just—I can't—"_ _

__"You could have called me a thousand times," Nik says. "I would have come."_ _

__"I know," Stuie says, a fine tremor of desperation in his voice. "That's why I didn't call. I couldn't, because this might happen… probably _would_ happen… and I didn't want to destroy everything."_ _

__"I don't know what you mean," Nik says, helplessly. "If you mean our friendship, you couldn't destroy that, Stuie. I—"_ _

__"But I could," Stuie says. "I could do this."_ _

__And then his mouth descends on Nik's and Nik forgets everything. Well, almost everything. He drowns in the kiss for a moment before pushing Stuie back._ _

__"What about your wife?" he says, almost a plea. If Stuie doesn't stop, Nik won't be able to make him. He'll just leap onto the train and go wherever it takes them._ _

__"No, don't, Nik," Stuie says. "Don't bring her into this."_ _

__"But I have to," Nik says, like worrying at a sore tooth. "You're married. Hell, _I'm_ married. We have kids, responsibilities."_ _

__"Are you saying you don't… see, I knew you wouldn't. I knew you would be disgusted but—"_ _

__"No!" Nik grabs Stuie's face, almost roughly, and feels his old friend's stubble under the pads of his fingers as he draws their lips together again. This kiss is shorter, but more intense, and when Nik drops back down onto the flats of his feet, they're both panting._ _

__"You're—you're not?" Stuie says, short of breath._ _

__"I didn't know I wanted this… I mean, I think I did, but I hid it from myself so well… Stuie, we still do have to think about—"_ _

__"No, no we don't," Stuie says, capturing his lips again._ _

__And this time Nik forces Melissa—and Katinka—out of his mind._ _

__Kissing Stuie reminds Nik of hockey, in a weird way. It's not like there are any similarities, but maybe because he and Stuie used to play together; but Nik remembers pivoting his hips when skating backward to defend a rush. He recalls the way his heart would race on a two-on-one attack towards the Detroit net, and it's not unlike the way his heart is racing now. Every beat of his heart feels like a hammer pounding down against asphalt._ _

__He's almost entirely overwhelmed by the sensation of Stuie's soft lips—and now he can remember squashing thoughts of how beautiful Stuie's lips have always been, especially when he smiled after a goal was scored—and the stubble on Stuie's face rasps against Nik's beard and the whole thing is unfamiliar, unexpected._ _

__It's nothing like kissing Katinka, and that thought dashes cold water over his head. He tugs away from Stuie, pushing his hair out of his face—a bead of sweat rolls down his temple—and studies Stuie's blue eyes, darkened and hazy with arousal._ _

__"What are we doing?" he says, voice coming out rough. "This is a bad idea—"_ _

__"I'm sorry," Stuie says, and he's clearly crestfallen, his face reflecting uncertainty and regret. "I know it's a bad idea, but… Nik, I just can't help it. I've wanted this for so long."_ _

__"But I know you love Melissa," Nik says, non sequitur or not, it needs to be said._ _

__"Of course I do," Stuie says instantly. "And I don't know if what I feel for you is love, exactly. At least, romantic love, anyway. I just have the insane urge to fuck you stupid and…"_ _

__Nik can feel himself smiling unwillingly. Stuie's being very blunt, and crude, and yet it makes something inside of Nik thaw, grow warm._ _

__"I would like that," he says shyly, unable to control the way his face heats or his body attunes itself to what Stuie might want._ _

__"Then come on," Stuie says, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "I'll give you a tour of the bedroom."_ _

__The tour of the bedroom isn't much of a chance to sightsee. Nik catches a glimpse of an armchair with women's clothes laid over the back of it and a dresser with bottles and creams and a hairbrush on it. He wants to pretend that at least the hairbrush is Stuie's, but he knows better._ _

__He doesn't get much of a chance to concentrate on Melissa's things, though, because then Stuie is dragging him towards the bed, panting between hot, rich kisses, and he shoves Nik down into a sitting position on the edge of the bed._ _

__"Are you sure about this?" Stuie says, pausing their kisses to stare earnestly at Nik. Nik's pulse jumps and his dick throbs. He's not _at all_ sure about this, but he can't bring himself to stop._ _

__He wants to lie to himself that he's only allowing himself to go along with this because he doesn't want to hurt Stuie, and it would likely hurt him if Nik were to push back now, but he knows he can't make himself believe that._ _

__He's in love with Stuie—he realises that now. He just doesn't know how it happened, or when. How long has he been genuinely _in love_ with Stuie?_ _

__Nik doesn't even know how long he's _wanted_ Stuie—it's too hard to untangle the threads in his memory of all the time they spent together and whether he always wanted Stuie's mouth, his hard body, even his cock. _ _

__So Nik nods, barely able to manage even that movement to urge Stuie on. But Stuie doesn't seem to need much encouragement. He reaches down with both hands, planting them on the inner side of Nik's thighs and pushing them apart. He steps in between the space he's made for himself and lifts his knee up to rest on the bed between Nik's legs._ _

__Then, as he ducks his head down to kiss Nik more fully, he grinds his knee against the growing bulge in Nik's jeans; a pleased little mumble falls from Stuie's lips as he feels the evidence that Nik wants what Stuie's doing._ _

__Nik, for his part, can't control the way his body thrills to Stuie's ministrations. He groans deep in his throat, and his hips stutter as he tries to force his cock more thoroughly against the friction Stuie's creating for him._ _

__It feels like much more time has passed than probably has in reality when Stuie's knee stills and his friend, hand on Nik's chin, holding his face up for his kisses, stops moving and lets Nik go._ _

__Nik has a moment of true regret, the sensation of falling, as if he's about to be dropped without the benefit of a cable or parachute—he doesn't think he could take that; but Stuie's apparently only pausing the proceedings when he says,_ _

__"I want more than this. I want to touch you."_ _

__"You _are_ touching me," Nik points out, vaguely confused, brain sluggish from arousal. He opens his eyes to find Stuie's blue ones trained on him, almost unsure but still filled with desire._ _

__"More than this," Stuie murmurs, rubbing his thumb along Nik's lower lip. "I want to feel every part of you with every part of me."_ _

__Nik smiles. "I'm not arguing," he says, even though, distantly, he's aware of the fact that he's sitting on Stuie's bed—on the bed he shares with his wife. A stab of guilt pierces him, but he bats it away like one might an annoying insect, unwilling to concentrate on it._ _

__"Good," Stuie says, and then he trails his fingers lightly down Nik's chest, barely noticeable through his shirt, and pauses just above the waistband of Nik's jeans. He presses a finger into the hollow where Nik's belly button is and Nik jerks with a gasp. How Stuie knew exactly where to press is a mystery—or would be, if it didn't imply how closely his old teammate must have watched him when they showered together in the locker room._ _

__Stuie smiles, a predatory curl of his gorgeous, sinfully lush lips, and then reaches just below, flicking the button of Nik's jeans out of the buttonhole. Nik can't keep from shuddering as Stuie reaches into his jeans, finding the thick evidence of Nik's desperation for this, stroking him through the soft, brushed cotton of his underwear._ _

__Nik can feel the front of his underwear grow damp as Stuie's hand begins to work him over through the material. Nik's head falls back, his hair brushing his neck, and he leans back on his hands as Stuie ratchets up the intensity, the pleasure, lifting Nik closer and closer to the apex Stuie knows he's reaching for._ _

__But he doesn't fulfill the promise he's made. His hand stills, a heavy, palpable presence on Nik's cock, both a reminder of what Nik almost had and, just maybe, a promise of something even more, better than what he was striving for._ _

__Stuie leans down, nudging their mouths together, licking at the seam of Nik's lips, as his hand leaves Nik's cock. Nik's first reaction is to break away from the kiss and protest, but Stuie holds him in place, refuses to let him go; as Nik relaxes a little under the pressure, the pleasure of simply _kissing Stuie_ , Stuie uses the other hand to awkwardly begin to divest Nik of his jeans._ _

__Nik does his best to help him out, wiggling his hips and together they work the stubborn jeans down his legs and off. Nik's immediately a little bit cold, but that evaporates when Stuie kisses him even more deeply, more flush on the lips than ever, and Nik feels his thighs fall open of their own accord._ _

__Stuie murmurs in a pleased fashion and Nik can feel his whole body making itself ready for this, for whatever _this_ is, and whatever is about to happen. He's not distancing himself anymore; he's not turning away from his desires anymore._ _

__Part of him remembers that the only real intercourse he's had has always been with women, and that for the last ten years or so it's been Katinka and Katinka only, but somehow that doesn't dampen his ardor or give him cause for nervousness either._ _

__Instinctively he knows that Stuie will take care of him, just like he always used to._ _

__He loses himself in kissing Stuie, not allowing his brain to consider the ramifications and whether or not there's more than this coming. He's pretty content, for the moment, to make out until both of their mouths are swollen._ _

__Nik can't stop himself from wondering whether Stuie's done this before, though. To the best of his knowledge, Stuie wasn't fucking guys when he played for the Wings, and besides, he was already married by then and Stuie's always been a devoted husband—it makes this experience that much more surreal and unusual._ _

__But maybe Stuie experimented somewhere along the line. Nik doesn't know, and then his old teammate's hand is dipping beneath the waistband of Nik's underwear and he forgets all about those thoughts, focusing only on the knife-edge of pleasure brought about by Stuie's hand on his bare cock._ _


End file.
